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The Art (and Yoga) of Self-Love
“Self-love comes when you realize your true nature.”
By Rosie Mulford
Flashback to Coconut Grove, Florida, 1991:
I am in my mother’s kitchen, making a sandwich for my then-fiancé. As the proud soon-to-be wife I was, I toasted his bread, smeared mustard and mayo, sliced pickles, and even dried the perfect lettuce leaves before placing them on the prepared bread. Broiling the open-faced dish just enough to brown the edges of the gourmet cheese… It was an occasion to be witnessed. Forget the fact that I had never, nor would I ever, spend that much time and care on a sandwich for myself.
My sister walked in and, with all her wisdom, asked (or more likely STATED), “Why do we exert so much energy and time for them and not for ourselves?” Was it that obvious? She saw in me, at that moment, something I had not seen in myself. Disguised as service to others, I was simply “people-pleasing” – something I had done for many years.
While service is considered one of the cornerstones for recovery and happiness, it must be performed in the correct fashion. Service is performed because it is the right thing to do, not for gaining points nor people-pleasing. It allows us the opportunity to practice the Golden Rule – to treat others as we would ourselves. And there’s the secret: “as we would OURSELVES.” That fateful day 34 years ago shaped the rest of my life. The sandwiches I make for myself today are something that ought to be in a Deli Museum!
The Realization: Self-Care is Essential
In my eagerness to please my fiancé, I learned that if I can’t care fully for myself, I will not be able to care fully for others in my life. I felt that I could only be loved or appreciated through pleasing others. While this is noble, and in Yoga we certainly revere service, we must look at service as the “right thing to do” – not a means by which to prove our worth. If I treat others in a certain way and fail to treat myself in the same way, then I am missing the boat.
Once we see service as a means to treat all of us (including ourselves) as One, then we start to live the way we were meant to – free and happy, not as victims, and certainly not miserable. We no longer judge, we are not self-righteous, we are kind, happy for others’ success, we love unconditionally regardless of the “packaging.”
As trite as it may sound, the airlines are right when they say, “put the oxygen mask on yourself first.” There is a circle generated when we see ourselves in others and others in ourselves. When we take care of ourselves first, we become superpowers at taking care of others.
The True Meaning of Self-Love
Self-love is about seeing yourself and others in the same light. Love, in its true sense, is all-inclusive. All inclusiveness occurs only with the disappearance of separate existence. To extend total love to ourselves and others, we will have to become that very person. That is what Jesus means by “Love thy neighbor as thyself.”
Self-love is the practice of connecting to your True Nature. It involves seeing yourself and others as more than this body-mind complex. It involves seeing yourself and others as Brahman. One of the Mahavakyas (Great Sayings of the Upanishads) is AYAM ATMA BRAHMA, which translates to “This self is Brahman.” When we realize this, we see all of us as one big collaboration of the same thing – all Love.
In his short story “The Egg,” Andy Weir says:
“Every time you victimized someone, you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
Self-Love in Practice
Self-love is treating yourself with kindness, love, and compassion first. It’s about recognizing your and others’ inherent worth and value as human beings and treating yourself with the same kindness, love, compassion (and making sandwiches) that we would offer to others.
In yoga, self-love is about developing a deeper connection with ourselves and our bodies. Even though we realize we are much greater than this body-mind complex, we need the body and mind to navigate this incredible human adventure. That is why self-care for the body and mind is so important (think healthy eating, asana, breathwork, meditation). Yoga teaches us to become more aware of our thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations, which can help us develop a stronger sense of self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-love.
Yoga teaches us to practice non-judgment and non-attachment. It enables us to let go of our internal critic and embrace ourselves and others exactly as we are.
The Benefits of Self-Love
Self-love has many benefits for our physical and mental health:
- Reduces Stress and Anxiety: Practicing self-love can help us manage stress levels and reduce feelings of anxiety, allowing us to feel more calm and centered.
- Helps Us Accept Our Body: Self-love helps us see the body as a navigational vehicle for this Soul. It allows us to develop a more positive relationship with our bodies. By practicing yoga, we become more aware of the sensations in our bodies.
- Teaches Us Truth: When we treat our bodies with self-love, we learn to move in accordance with truth. Instead of being connected to how a yoga pose looks, we move according to how we feel. This helps prevent injuries and draws us to a place where we treat ourselves and others with love in every situation.
Simple Ways to Practice Self-Love
Breathe in and say: “I breathe in love for myself.”
Breathe out and say: “I breathe out love for others.” (You can personalize it by saying your name and another’s name.)
Breathe in and say: “I am grateful for me right now just as I am.”
Breathe out and say: “I am grateful for (someone else) right now just as he/she is.”
Practice seeing you and others as the same, coming from the same Creator, experiencing all the same fears, joys, sorrows, and happiness.
About the Author:
Rosie Mulford
In 1974, Rosie took her first yoga class in Coconut Grove, Florida. Her instructor was Eve Diskin-then the Director of the American Institute of Yoga. During college and for a short time after, Rosie concentrated on her ballet studies, incorporating her yogic knowledge into her ballet exercises. For the next ten years, she began an intense practice incorporating Bikram and The Barkan Method under the guidance of Jimmy Barkan in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Rosie is certified in Pre-natal yoga, Vinyasa Flow yoga, Children’s Yoga,Y12SR, and has her 500-hour ERYT from Yoga Alliance. Her passion lately is teaching the ways in which combining Yoga with the 12 Steps of AA can offer a freedom from addictions in life- after all, we are each addicted to something! Rosie likes to mimic the challenges we face in real life on the mat, practicing how to share compassion and kindness in everything we do.
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